How To Answer Your Children’s Questions About Death?

Speak Children for Death

Speak Children for Death

These days, it is usual for most of us to keep in mind, if we are not already doing it, prepare some dark and scary costume for a Halloween party, have candies and sweets ready to offer to the little ones in case they approach and ring the bell of our door, make a visit with flowers to the cemetery to spend some time near a relative who rests there, elaborate and buy wind fritters and bones of Santo … they are habitual acts and customs that we carry out in USA every year when the holiday of All Saints arrives, the first of November.

With so much stimulus related to death, spirits, ghosts, souls and that dark and spiritual part that at other times of the year is not so visible, it is inevitable that our children are curious, want to know and be interested in it, if They haven’t done it before, and they ask us very direct questions about death: “What happens when someone dies?“, “Will it hurt when I die?”, “Why do we die?” are we going to die? ”…

Our expert psychologists accompany many parents and many families in grieving processes that need support and guidelines to work this with the little ones in the house, making their emotional well-being as less affected as possible. Then I am going to leave you 7 keys that will help you give an adequate response to your child when that time comes, avoiding the discomfort that usually causes.

Speak Children for Death

1- Death is not a taboo subject

The first thing we have to do (adults) is to accept death, welcome it and give it a place and a place in our way of life so that when it comes time to talk about it we are prepared and not generate anxiety. Death is part of life, it is the only thing we know that will really happen, sooner or later, so nothing good will help us hide it, cover it, block it and avoid it. We are all going to die, so the sooner we assimilate it, the better.

2- Never lie

It is very important not to lie, or ever cheat our children. If it is difficult for you to answer something because you really do not know it or because you do not feel like answering it at that time, the most advisable and beneficial thing for both of you is always to say that we do not know it, rather than lying. Think that when you lie to your child, you run the risk of generating distrust when he finally finds out the truth and that he learns to use lies as a usual strategy for his day-to-day life.

3- Be honest

Sincerity is closely related to the previous section and here it is essential to understand that it is better to explain reality as it is, without using metaphors, euphemisms, puns, stories and / or fantasies that can cause the opposite effect and hinder, in instead of putting light on the little one.

4- Be clear, brief and concise

It is not necessary to explain a lot of things, much less be scabrous, or give all kinds of details and data that are not essential and that do not contribute anything new to the main message. We can give a quick and brief response, without sitting down to philosophize. Precision will help us, and that is that children’s minds think and reason in concrete terms.

5- Use language adapted to the child’s age

It is essential to give an answer with a language adapted to the child’s age. The most common is that children under 3 years of age do not worry about death unless they have seen it on television or have experienced it very closely.

From the age of 3 they may feel some curiosity, but it will not be until the age of 6 when they can truly understand the experience of death and its absolute and definitive consequences. From the age of 10 the child already fully understands what has happened, in fact he can go see a sick person, a farewell ceremony or even a cemetery to bring flowers, as long as the family explains why he does that.

6- Speak naturally

Talking about death and everything that it entails in a natural way is the most advisable. Talk about death in the same way you usually do about other topics such as love or friendship.

7- Don’t hide your emotions

Getting excited is not bad, just the opposite. So if when you answer or talk with your child about death you get excited because you remember someone or because you become sad and you feel like crying, do it, it is good that your child sees it and participates in it. This way children will also learn that expressing emotions is what needs to be done.

If you have a conversation of this type pending with your child or questions waiting to be answered, do not be afraid, stop postponing the moment, take these tips to practice and you will see how much easier it was than you previously thought.

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Speak Children for Death

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